How to Soothe Your Inner Child When You Feel Rejected
So you got left on read.
Or someone canceled last minute.
Or maybe your partner pulled away emotionally and you’re feeling like you just got punched in the chest.
Your logical brain might say, “It’s not that deep.” But your body? Your chest is tight. Your thoughts are racing. You're spiraling. You feel like you're 7 years old again, waiting for someone who never showed up.
That’s not just you being “too sensitive.” That’s your inner child calling for help. Let’s talk about how to show up for them.
What Is Your Inner Child?
Your inner child is the emotional part of you that still holds onto old experiences—especially the ones where you felt unsafe, unloved, or unseen. When you get triggered by something in the present (a breakup, rejection, ghosting, even subtle distance), your inner child doesn’t see the today version of you. They’re reacting like it’s then. Back when you couldn’t soothe yourself. Back when rejection felt like life-or-death. That’s why the pain feels bigger than the moment.
Why Do These Triggers Happen?
Rejection in the present pokes at wounds from the past.
Some examples:
A friend not texting back reminds you of being ignored by your caregivers.
A date canceling makes you feel like you’re not wanted (again).
A partner needing space triggers your fear of abandonment.
We aren’t overreacting. We’re remembering.
How to Soothe Your Inner Child (In the Moment)
Here’s a simple, 5-step practice to try the next time you feel rejected or triggered:
1. Pause + Name What’s Happening
Start with:
“Okay, I’m feeling triggered.” “This hurts. It feels like rejection.”
Name it without judgment. Awareness is step one.
2. Ask: How Old Do I Feel Right Now?
Sometimes you’ll feel 6. Sometimes 13. Sometimes 5. Get curious: What version of me is hurting right now?This helps separate your current self (the adult) from the emotional flashback.
3. Connect With That Inner Child
Imagine them—little you. Where are they? What do they look like?
Then say (out loud if you can):
“I see you. You didn’t deserve to be ignored.” “You are not alone this time.” “You matter to me. I’m here.”
You’re re-parenting in real time. This is powerful work.
4. Do Something Comforting
Wrap yourself in a blanket. Drink something warm. Put on music that soothes your soul. Write them a letter. Cry if you need to. This isn't about fixing the trigger. It’s about being with yourself through it.
5. Remind Yourself: “That Was Then. This Is Now.”
You are not powerless anymore. You can grieve. You can feel. You can also choose. Your worth is not up for negotiation—especially not by someone else’s inability to show up.
Gentle Reminders
Just because someone didn’t choose you doesn’t mean you’re not worthy.
Not everyone is capable of loving in the way you deserve—and that’s about them, not you.
It’s okay to feel the pain. You don’t have to “get over it” to be valid.
Every time you soothe your inner child, you build trust with yourself.
Final Thoughts: You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For
It’s not easy to sit with rejection. But every time you pause, notice the hurt, and respond with compassion instead of criticism—you heal. You become the consistent, loving presence that little you always needed. You rewrite the story: I’m not alone anymore. I’ve got me.
Want Support?
If these feelings are coming up a lot—and you’re ready to work through them with guidance—we’d love to walk alongside you.
At Shades of Healing Therapy, we specialize in helping women of color process deep emotional wounds, explore inner child work, and build healthier, more secure relationships.
Book your free 15-minute consultation
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Shades of Healing Therapy